The Truth About Work-Life Balance

THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE SOLELY THOSE OF THE AUTHOR.

No one can possibly believe that the bird weighs more than the elephant. It’s totally ridiculous. So why do people believe that there is such a thing as “Work-Life Balance?”

The elephant weighs a lot. Probably a couple tons. The bird? A few ounces. Let’s forget reality, after all, the photo is fake. But let’s ask the question: How can a bird weigh more than the elephant?

We are assuming that the balance is between mass. Why make that assumption? Perhaps the balance is between responsibilities. Elephants are known for their loyalty to their families. Some birds are also loyal and mate for life, but, alas, not all.

Years ago, I heard a keynote by the president of a college in Connecticut. It was fascinating. When I was invited to hear her speak at NYU, I gladly accepted. I was shocked. She began by saying that women are naturally more empathetic than men and, accordingly, are more charitable. It’s perfectly alright to insult half your audience, as long as you are going to insult the other half. She didn’t. Instead she chose to dig herself into a much deeper hole. She replaced male anger (perhaps too strong a word) with universal disgust (not too strong a word).

The good former president said, “Animals show no empathy.” Practically every hand went up. “My dog stayed with me when I was sick. He would not leave my side.” “My cat…” Well, you get the idea. Instead of saying, “Thank you. I might have to rethink this,” she said, “You are projecting onto your pets human characteristics that don’t exist.” Someone mentioned elephants. Her response, “I’m a scientist. I deal with reality not emotions. People see what they want to see. I need sources and facts.”

I was hungry. The food looked good. The facilitator looked like he was going to have a heart attack. So, instead of politely raising my hand, I stood up and said, “Since you want facts, and I assume scientific research, let me read you one paragraph from this month’s National Geographic.” And I did. It told the story of a bird, ready to leave the nest and start its own family, who stayed to help its (I don’t remember if it was male or female) parents who were not able to care for their eggs which had not yet hatched. Curtly, she thanked me. The facilitator noted, and this was true, that it was getting late, and “if there are no more questions,” he thanked the speaker and invited everyone to feast on the food that was the only reason anyone had stayed.

My point is to demonstrate that there is nothing unique or wrong about prioritizing family. It is literally natural to do so. But perhaps, returning to our elephant and bird, the balance is not of mass, or even responsibilities, but of sacrifices. Our bird may have sacrificed more for her family than our elephant has for his. And that’s why the bird is heavier than the elephant. And, so that the elephant lobby does not organize protests outside my apartment, for the record, again, elephants are very family oriented. They may even cry.

Put differently, work-life balance deals, or at least it should, with quality not quantity. What is more important, the meeting to secure the new client or your daughter’s dance recital?

It appears that people seeking “work-life balance” consider it to be a Zero Sum game, meaning that whatever comes at the expense or for the benefit of the one, comes at the benefit or expense of the other. Attending the meeting (work), costs family (life). Attending the recital (life) comes at the cost of losing a new client (work).

The truth is, there is no such thing as “work-life balance.” All it means is that someone wants to do more of one and less of the other. If emotional, it’s silly. (I am being nice!) If it is rational, it’s proper setting of priorities.

Think of it as you do your budget. You give up one thing so you can have something else. Sadly, in some cases, it may be food over medicine. (For the record, that should not be, and yes, it happened to me. I chose food. A year later I was rushed to the hospital. So, I know of what if speak!) Or, purchasing the generic supermarket item and not the brand name (and, yes, I know, they are the same thing and, in fact, may be manufactured in the very same factory!).

Work-life balance is ridiculous because they are literally part of each other. Without work (money) you won’t have life. Without life, what’s the point of working? It’s a question of “must-haves” versus “want-to-haves.” Needs vs. wants. Prioritization! And, when it comes to children, it’s a great teaching opportunity.

I was present when a friend explained to her daughter that while she was truly sorry she could not attend her award ceremony, the reason being that she had to finish a project for a client. The payment she would receive from that client would allow them, the whole family, to go on the vacation they had planned. She told her that she wanted to attend the ceremony, but had to finish the project. The little girl understood. In fact, she started to save part of her allowance. Instead of buying what she wanted, candy, she bought what she needed, accessories for her Barbies. Lesson taught; lesson learned.

When looked at from the perspective of needs versus wants, when the elephant and bird are equally balanced, the stress of searching for the elusive work-life balance disappears.

One last question to ponder: Why is it called “work-life balance” and not “life-work balance?” If “life” is really more important, shouldn’t it go first?

The Truth About Work-Life Balance | Employment Edification